In Matthew 18:21 Jesus tells us to five up to 70 x 7 times. Forgiveness is needed because of a hurt or a trespass.
Kingdom dynamics (from the Spirit Filled Life Bible) says we are warned not to gorget how God forgave us, when people harm us. Unforgiveness restricts God's work in our lives. The spirit of Unforgiveness exacts a toll on our bodies, minds and emotions.
Matthew 6:14-15 "if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ESV
Emotional hurts happen easier when we are exhausted or emotionally drained. Someone close to you, possibly someone in leadership in church says or does something and you feel really hurt.
Psalm 4:4 "Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent" ESV
Some react by leaving the church and joining another, while carrying that offence with them. Others will leave the church altogether.
Hebrews 10:25 "neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." ESV
When you feel te hurt, STOP. Take a step back. Responding immediately will most likely be an emotional response and that is like throwing petrol onto fire. You need to calm down before you speak to them again. You might also need to shed a few tears and praying about it is the best thing you can do right now.
Ask yourself:
1. Have I remembered that this person is human and is probably also facing their own trials?
2. Did they mean to be hurtful? Sometimes people think that if they mix in some humour, that it will help. It can however make you feel like your situation is a joke to them.
3. Have you ever said an unkind or hurtful thing to anyone?
This is where it gets serious. We have all said things that have hurt others. Now is a good time to pray some more. When Jesus calls us to forgive, He does not ask us to do it in our own strength. We are allowed to ask the Holy Spirit to help us. We were never called to live the Christian life in our own strength.
If when you see that person again, you feel hurt, you need to forgive them again and to pray some more. How many times do you need to forgive them? Until it stops hurting when you see them.
Now comes the process of reconciliation. If possible, get someone to mediate the discussion. From your side, try to keep it as short as possible. "Your words hurt me, I felt really low", is sufficient. We don't need a thesis on what you went through. The other person might never realize the extent to which they hurt you and they might not care either.
You need to clean out your heart, so that unforgiveness and bitterness are not allowed to fester. If they won't reconcile, then you need to forgive them again. It simply is not worth the pain ND suffering that carrying that grudge and emotional baggage will bring into your life. Forgive them, set them free - so that you can also be free.
Colossians 3:13 "bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." ESV
Let us pray for God to soften our hearts and to help us to forgive others